the point.

there's a point that i have come to wonder if it exists.

does it? or is this just imagined

created because we live to create things?

but at this point, wonderings begin

small at first, but there.

present.

am i the only one?

why is this life not being all that so many people have promised time and time again?

where is the wonder i used to have from it?

does no one feel this?

where is the simplicity that seemed to just flow?

does no one feel this?

when dreams were alive, attainable even
this earth was everything. a simple sonata in seemingly perfect rhythm
thoughts were simple
days unrushed
hearts without stain
and barely filled

what happened?

does no one feel this?

did something go wrong?
is that innocence lost?
stolen?
how can it be?

joy snatched away from some goblin
my mind scatters out

but where is my love for this earth?
in the way i have seen so many other people do?
have.

this planet.

these people. 

they no longer seem to satisfy.

and my thoughts are no longer simple.

this doesn't fill me.

dare i let that slip from my mouth?

dare i say that?

this. doesn't. fill. me.

point.

it drains me.

i put the blame on them.
how dare others take this feeling away.
this perfect peace.
this perfect piece.

no.

they speak to me.

i am just different.

they say.

i am just different.

am i just different?

is it my contentment that has shifted?

this no longer satisfies.

                    this world and this,

brokenness

and i think,

that this point may exist.

a point in which this world no longer
accepts me,
creates me,
makes me,
loves me,
                      fills me.

this newfound point in which i no longer find my deep value in the these symphonies i once dreamed about.

                      because.

this point makes me realize.

this world was never meant to
accept me,
create me,
make me,
love me,
                      fill me.

oh but it was created for us, yes.

oh yes,

now maybe i have it.

maybe i like this point. 

am i feeling again?

Peace comes.

I was created.

Peace comes.

yes... created. 

now there is something different. 

and for more than just this earth and its so-called joys and pleasures and hiddly dumb dumb.. 

they don't make the cut anymore.

am i just different? 

but they tell me i finally have achieved and accomplished...

but i do not feel happier
i don't have peace. i entertain this fake peace. these fake songs.
living life with them like they're my best friends.

point. 

our own accomplishments don't make us feel accomplished. 

But yet we strive and we press on hoping that
more 
and
better
will fill us, make us.

am i just different?

no.

i can't stand it.

finally

i can't.

i can't even stand. 

so i'm on my knees.

i've tried so hard. 

now this is a new view. 

this is a new point. 

im not by them anymore. 

im not pretending. 

realization comes in the softest way....

brokenness 

will not, cannot, does not.

satisfy.

am i just different? 

no. and on my knees and at this point.

i finally

turn to the

One

who

does.

the psalm of the season.

Psalm 107

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever.

2 Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—
    those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,
3 those he gathered from the lands,
    from east and west, from north and south.

4 Some wandered in desert wastelands,
    finding no way to a city where they could settle.
5 They were hungry and thirsty,
    and their lives ebbed away.
6 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he delivered them from their distress.
7 He led them by a straight way
    to a city where they could settle.
8 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
    and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
9 for he satisfies the thirsty
    and fills the hungry with good things.

10 Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness,
    prisoners suffering in iron chains,
11 because they rebelled against God’s commands
    and despised the plans of the Most High.
12 So he subjected them to bitter labor;
    they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
13 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he saved them from their distress.
14 He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
    and broke away their chains.
15 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
    and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
16 for he breaks down gates of bronze
    and cuts through bars of iron.

17 Some became fools through their rebellious ways
    and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.
18 They loathed all food
    and drew near the gates of death.
19 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he saved them from their distress.
20 He sent out his word and healed them;
    he rescued them from the grave.
21 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
    and his wonderful deeds for mankind.
22 Let them sacrifice thank offerings
    and tell of his works with songs of joy.

23 Some went out on the sea in ships;
    they were merchants on the mighty waters.
24 They saw the works of the Lord,
    his wonderful deeds in the deep.
25 For he spoke and stirred up a tempest
    that lifted high the waves.
26 They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
    in their peril their courage melted away.
27 They reeled and staggered like drunkards;
    they were at their wits’ end.
28 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he brought them out of their distress.
29 He stilled the storm to a whisper;
    the waves of the sea were hushed.
30 They were glad when it grew calm,
    and he guided them to their desired haven.
31 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
    and his wonderful deeds for mankind.
32 Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people
    and praise him in the council of the elders.

33 He turned rivers into a desert,
    flowing springs into thirsty ground,
34 and fruitful land into a salt waste,
    because of the wickedness of those who lived there.
35 He turned the desert into pools of water
    and the parched ground into flowing springs;
36 there he brought the hungry to live,
    and they founded a city where they could settle.
37 They sowed fields and planted vineyards
    that yielded a fruitful harvest;
38 he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased,
    and he did not let their herds diminish.

39 Then their numbers decreased, and they were humbled
    by oppression, calamity and sorrow;
40 he who pours contempt on nobles
    made them wander in a trackless waste.
41 But he lifted the needy out of their affliction
    and increased their families like flocks.
42 The upright see and rejoice,
    but all the wicked shut their mouths.

43 Let the one who is wise heed these things
    and ponder the loving deeds of the Lord.

coming soon.

still learning about what it looks like to have a blog in this world.

posts coming soon.